When I gave birth to my son 6 years ago, I had just turned 19. We knew prenatally that he was going to have Down Syndrome, but we both decided that we could handle it with the education that we knew we were going to need. Both of our families supported our choice to have Elijah, and many times it wasn't just us that went to our ultrasounds. We also knew that he was going to have a heart problem that was going to require surgery, probably sooner than later.
He was born on a cold February night. The days prior to his birth were great, I was finally able to get out and move around after months of being in either the hospital or the bed. We were planning a c-section (due to his heart) the middle of February. He was due March 7, 2006. We thought that would give us plenty of time to deliver him without worrying about him coming early. HA!
Little man had other plans. He was born at our local hospital at 21:06 on 2/1/06. He wanted to make sure Momma could NEVER forget the time he was born! :) After spending a few hours in the nursery (we were not allowed to hold him, only gently touch his hand) the Children's hospital had sent an ambulance for him. I had to let my little man go. After only briefly seeing him and not holding him...I had to let him go with people I didn't know.
It was a rough night of no sleep. But finally I was able to go to Children's Hospital to see him where I spent the next 3 weeks. Finally I convinced them that the nursery down home could teach him to eat, and we were reverse transferred back.
Now fast forward 4 years. He is now 4 years old, and we have gotten additional diagnosis. He now is completely deaf, and has been diagnosed with Autism. He's had a Cochlear Implant (unsuccessful), and heart surgery.
For some reason, complete strangers think it's ok to not only stare but sometimes actually speak. Nothing makes me feel better when I get negative comments than knowing Elijah will never have to hear them.
WARNING:
The things you are about to read are things that have been said to me personally. They are comments from real (as real as you can be!) people. They are not really that polite, and really, they are very painful to relive. So please, upon reading, know that everyone has feelings and please do not repeat the things you are about to read to anyone!
*WHY WOULD YOU CONTINUE TO HAVE CHILDREN AFTER HAVING THAT? (POINTING TO ELIJAH)
*HE WAS GOD'S WAY OF TELLING YOU TO NOT RE-CREATE AGAIN.
*WHY DIDN'T YOU ABORT HIM? YOU BOTH WOULD HAVE HAD BETTER LIVES.
*YOU ARE SO YOUNG, WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?
*YOU SHOULD GET RID OF HIM, HE'S ONLY GOING TO MAKE YOUR LIFE HELL.
Ok. Now, each of the times things are said to me, I try to put myself in the person who is saying them's shoes. I try to think, "They aren't educated, they aren't educated." But, then Mama bear comes out and I want to kick ass. So, let me tell you how I responded to each of the above comments.
1. RaeLynne was getting ready to come home and me and Elijah were in Walmart getting last minute things for her homecoming. I was on emotion-overload. The woman saw all the things in the cart (most were pink, some were way too small for Elijah) and thought she should speak. After gathering myself, I stepped back from the cart, and looked her in the eye. I said, "Listen, I had a baby 14 weeks early 4 months ago, and she is just now getting ready to come home. I have been by her side daily for the last 4 months, and the first thing said to me by an outsider is what you just said. He is not a THAT, he is my child. And thank God, because I would feel sorry for him if he were YOURS. I'm pretty sure you should continue your shopping and never speak like that to a stranger again. You never know what they are going through. You could have just sent me over the edge, had I not had a stable head on my shoulders. Got it?"
She just looked at me, lipped "I'm sorry," and walked away quickly. I doubt she speaks to people in public again.
2. This came from a woman with 5 children under 5 in her cart. They were flithy, looked hungry, and honestly I would have loved to take them out of her cart, put them in mine, and take them home with me. I wanted to ask her if she had heard of birth control, but I controlled myself. I simply said, "This is my life, not yours. You look like you have your hands full, maybe you should just move on." And I walked away.
3. "I didn't abort him because he was my child regardless. And you may have been able to live with yourself had YOU done that, but I couldn't. I would NOT have had a better life, I would have been miserable. He has a great life, and it was better before you came into it."
4. Yep, someone has said that. "I didn't do this to myself, but I am glad that it was done to me. He is the best thing that has happened to me." This was before RaeLynne.
5. Because people do that? My life my suck at times, but in no way has HE made it hell. I don't remember even responding to this a-hole. I'm pretty sure I wanted to punch her, so I moved on.
People, please. Think about what you are saying and who you are saying them to. If our children are a tad older, then we have probably been through the routine. It may take all we have to not slap you in the face. We are more than likely sleep deprived. We are usually hungry and grouchy. We will not second guess our selves when we respond to you.
The first time I heard this song, after I stopped crying...I realized that this is all the things I wish I could say to Elijah!
Jason Mraz
I won't give up
This is another song that I wish Elijah could hear. And every time anyone wants to butt heads with me, I just say, He's Mine.
Rodney Atkins
He's Mine
...He's mine and he'll always be the best thing that's ever happened to me. You can't turn it off like electricity, I love him unconditionally. I'll take the blame and claim him every time!
E.
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