In a humongous rut

For the past 6 1/2 years I have dealt with a lot.  A lot of people.  A lot of Drs.  A lot of Mother's (and I use that term lightly).  A lot of people that just think they know it all.  Well, let me be the first to obviously tell you.

YOU DO NOT KNOW IT ALL.

Oh how I wish my life was as simple as the teenager that has multiple children just for the gov'ts assistance.  Every child, "perfect," despite the drugs that she was on full term.  No, it is not my place to judge, but (and I KNOW a ton of you feel this way too), WHY do those of us that do everything right for our entire pregnancies have the hardest struggles?  Someone once told me that these girls that have the seemingly normal children wouldn't be able to handle ours.

Well, that's fine.  But, it's not fair.  NEVER will it be fair.

There are people in my life that I wouldn't think twice if they weren't anymore.  People I'd like to smack upside the head so hard, they'd be feeling it for a while.  But alas, I sit here and just be upset that my children suffer and have suffered most of their lives.  Is it healthy to be angry?  Probably not.  But I can't help it.  Let me just explain something that makes me tip-of-the-iceberg-angry.

Rae's seen three doctors/clinics this week.  She was 29 lbs and 36 inches.  So, she's gained 27 lbs and 25 inches since she was born just over 3 years ago.  In fact, her original due date was Friday.  Most people would be over the moon that their child was THAT much bigger than when they started.  Hell, I can never believe that we have came this far, when just three years ago I was sitting in Nationwide Children's Hospital not sure if we'd be leaving with her.

Guess what each and every one of these drs/clinics told me?  Does it help if I tell you I left nearly crying?

"Mrs. Sword, are you sure you're feeding RaeLynne enough?  She's not growing...well.  She's in less than the 10th percentile for height and weight, and hasn't gained much since her last appointment..."

For one thing, I am only 25.  I do not need to be called Mrs.  EVER.  Then I stopped listening.  I felt like I was being told I was not a good mother, and I wanted to punch these drs right in the face.  The fact is, she doesn't like to eat.  She doesn't eat much, and when she does, she grazes.  I swear these people are lucky I have a thick skin by now.  I was so angry...so mad.  Please lets not forget the child weighed less than 2 lbs at birth.  Please.

So, we will be changing pediatricians (something I've needed to do for a while now), and we will not be going back to the WIC office.  Less than $50 in groceries a month is not worth how I felt when I left there!

--Elisha